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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

On 4:12 PM by Rachel Preston Prinz in
I sat down across from him at lunch today
and he asked me about my non-profit
I stumbled and stammered
tripping over the oozing content of who I am
as I poured myself back into my skin suit for "normal" time
and tried to make a sentence understandable to anyone but me

as usual I couldn't
but he could tell my heart was in the trying

at least there's that

only
I'm not my skin suit.
I barely recognize myself

when I look in the mirror I am horrified
because the me I am
is not the me I see
and the me I am knows she did this to me
scaredycat bearmother hiding in a cave that I have been

but hey that's not the point here

when I was done moulding myself into someone I desperately wanted to be
I came home and prayed for an opportunity to miss this afternoon's meeting
and it came with a member of the other team not being able to be wrangled

score one for me

I sat and read @DanielleLaPorte
who's fault this all is
and wove that into whoever told me today
"think adventure not crisis"
added a heaping helping of four new Core Desired Feelings
and bathed in Matt Kahn 's idea that maybe, just maybe
we can be lightbearers of heart centered consciousness
which is her point too

and realized I am here to be a storyteller.

that is not all I am supposed to be
( there's also lit up, authentic, seen, and aligned, to name a few...)

but STORYTELLER is the important part
and no amount of scared is going to stop it
there's no numbing can dull the pain

there is, however, a business plan to write

I am not what I was and not yet what I am

still it is time