The Jason Door Closes and Opens

A few months back I started painting with no mind again
the first thing I painted was an acrylic on canvas piece
I called The Jason Door

I've been diving in to paint over the past year in fits and starts

Fits over who I am
and starts at trying to understand it
Using paint as a way to try and find out what's really inside

Gagging on the choking embers of an imaginary life
that sparked up and flamed itself out
and left me ashcovered... shaking... ungrounded
and broken
afraid
and paralyzed

like I haven't been since the day they called me into the office to tell me Jason was missing

the day that took my breath away

but yesterday
yesterday I found myself sitting at a table
with a dear friend, a broken marriage, and confusion
admiring the setting sun reflected on the face of two soaring mountaintops connected by a long, grey saddle
*rustle*

and my friend was talking about how I could find my way to the sanctuaries I wanted to go to
in the guidebook she had at home

and how odd

in the back of the guidebook
there's a list of all the horrible climbing accidents there have been here
*rustle*

I get lost in staring at this mountain

Needles at the center and Crestone on the right, behind the closer mountains

Needles, the hard edged ones, strike fear into me

*gag*

shrouded in darkness as a cloud passes overhead

*spit*

Crestone, the one on the right, at the other send of the saddle, awash in light
*cough*

and I realize that
10 years to the day 
     
     completely by accident

I am in the place Jason took his last breath
on that saddle
between the light mountain he just summited
and on his way to the dark one he never would...

staring into the sunset reflected in the east

shocked into silence for some time

finally,
I inhale deeply
and say hello to my old friend
who I miss terribly

and who I can almost feel again...

a thousand tears later...
I know
finally
he is safe 

  

in fact he couldn't me more okay
this is a place where sages are born
and he became one of the land's teachers
as he had every qualification to be

Architect, Seminarian, a new old soul

Peace be upon you, Groo.
And, upon me too...
now that I understand.

 
The most exquisite place, Crestone.
A fine place to get lost
find yourself
breathe in deeply the essence of life

and become one with the sunset's reflection

thank you to all the angels that brought that together.
I bow to you, in awe.